Month: January 2018

Ready to Compete

by Alexis Fairbanks, posted in Uncategorized

I always assumed my competitive running career had an end date. Run for four years in high school, run for four years in college, and then become a recreational runner. I was fine with that. College robbed me of my joy for racing, leaving me anxious rather than competitive. Leaving the competitive running scene was exactly what I wanted.

I graduated college and ran my first marathon the following fall. Being a bucket list item, my marathon plan was ‘one and done’. My only goal was to make it to the finish line without injury, a lofty goal considering I’d just healed from a stress fracture and my longest lifetime run was 12.5 miles, but I did it. I still remember the pain I felt after crossing that finish line, I legitimately feared I had done irreparable damage to my body. But I hadn’t. I was healthy and once the pain subsided, I decided I needed to do that again. I had more in me and I wasn’t going to sit back and accept that race as my marathon PR.

I set my eyes on Boston. A goal that seemed insane, but I thought maybe with some actual training, I could eek out the BQ. A year later, in a 27 minute PR, that’s exactly what I did. Looking back at the lackluster training [in comparison to what I’m doing now], the failure to fuel during my race, and the surely inadequate amount of water I consumed, I’m still not sure how it happened. I had literally no idea what I was doing, but with some combination of ability and luck, it happened. I continued this [strongly not recommended] method of training and racing, improving upon it only slightly, for four more marathons. I was running some decent times on some OK training, but after finishing three marathons within 3 minutes of each other I began to crave a breakthrough.

Last spring, with 6 marathons on my Garmin, I decided I wanted to up my game a little. I wasn’t quite ready to compete again, but I wanted to get a little faster. I hired a coach, started working harder, and set a goal for the Chicago marathon in the fall. I wasn’t going to race per se, but I was determined to run fast.

For many, setting goals and trying to run fast is the same as competing, but I was scared to call it that. I was terrified to let my competitive side take over. In college, my competitive side destroyed me. My drive to be the best came above all else and manifested in a very unhealthy way (and caused me to never actually become the best or reach my potential). I worked myself to the point of overtraining, I lost my period, I suffered injuries, and I struggled with an eating disorder. I wanted to get fast, but racing again seemed out of the question.

 

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2017 Chicago Marathon

 

But today, as I finished up my long run, the desire to compete was strong. My run in Chicago went better than I had hoped, but I didn’t toe that line with the mindset that I was going to compete. Instead, I thought, “let’s see what happens”. I didn’t want to set my expectations too high because I was so scared to let myself down. For so long in college, I was left feeling disappointed and ashamed after races. I didn’t want to do that to myself anymore. But I am sick of being afraid. Five years after graduating college and leaving my competitive running career behind, I’m ready to reclaim it. I want to race again.

I have no intentions of setting unrealistic goals of winning big races, I know where my abilities lie. But I am ready to set big, scary goals, that may be a bit crazy while remaining just inside the realm of possibility. I’m ready to toe the line at races and be fearless. I’m ready to start a race with the confidence that I will do what I set out to do rather than to just see what happens. From now on, I refuse to let myself be comfortable in the last miles of the race. I will no longer allow fellow runners to pass me in the last mile without a fight because I’m content with my projected finish time. I’ve spent the last five years teetering on the line of giving it my all and holding something back but I will not hold back any longer. I am ready to test my limits. I am ready to see what my best really looks like.

I’m going to compete again. I’m going to race again.

Competing isn’t for everyone, people run races for different reasons. But I feel like I’ve been robbing myself of my true potential for years and I’m ready to see where my limit really is. 

Another New Year

by Alexis Fairbanks, posted in Uncategorized

A year ago, I started this blog. Blogging was something I had told myself I would do for some time but never got around to actually doing so. Finally, as my 2017 resolution, I started this blog. Although I don’t write here that frequently, between this blog, my Medium page, and other outlets, I’ve written over 30 pieces this year. To someone who blogs daily or even weekly, that may not sound like much but for me, someone working full-time, marathon training, and finishing grad school, that feels like quite an accomplishment.

When I began this blog my goal was to use it as a personal reflection and as a way to spend some time writing, an activity I enjoy that also feels productive. What I did not expect is for writing to become a passion of mine, something that I hope plays at least a small part in my career one day. Throughout the year writing has become more than just my personal reflections and a significant amount of my writing is now about sharing my personal experience with disordered eating in order to help others. In 2018, I will continue to use my writing in this way and I look forward to continuing to grow as a writer this next year. For today though, I will do some of that personal reflection I started this blog with.

I didn’t think too much about the year as a whole being an eventful one, but as I look back I realize it was easily one of the most eventful years of my life. In March, I co-founded Lane 9 Project with two badass ladies and the community we have grown has made a tremendous impact on my life. Lane 9 Project has given me an outlet to share my story, help others, and strengthen my own eating disorder recovery. Lane 9 has shown me what I am truly passionate about deep down and made me realize that I hope to eventually spend my career working in the field of eating disorder recovery.

2017 was a big running year for me after an injury-plagued 2016. In April, I ran my second Boston Marathon. It ended in heartbreak when I did not re-qualify for Boston but it taught me many lessons. A few weeks later, I stepped up to another start line and managed to prove to myself what I was capable of and earn my BQ. In the fall, I ran my third marathon of the year (7th total) and despite some rough training in the weeks leading up to the race, I finished the Chicago Marathon in my fastest marathon time yet. Not only did my time improve in 2017, but with the help of an amazing coach, I learned how to truly listen to my body and respond to its needs.  As a result, I remained a happy and healthy runner the entire year.

The summer was filled with amazing things happening. First, Tyler and I adopted Troy Pup and our life has not been the same since. Who knew a puppy could bring so much damn joy? We cannot imagine life without Troy. We also spent a week soaking up breath-taking views of Zion National Park and a week later I headed abroad for the first time. I spent 2.5 incredible weeks in South Africa with One Heart Source, exploring, running, and, most importantly, mentoring an inspiring young woman who hopes to become a doctor. Finally, in August I was lucky enough to move in with my very best friend and I’ve loved every second of it.

The fall was long, stressful, and exhausting, but a lot of good came out of it. I went from teaching kindergarten to teaching third grade and although it has been an extremely challenging experience, I was given some amazing coworkers to help me through it. Additionally, after hours and hours of work for months on end, my thesis was finally published and  I now have my master’s degree.

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As we head into the new year, I look forward to what surprises 2018 has in store. I know this year will bring with it its own ups and downs but I foresee another year of big changes and notable accomplishments. This year I will continue to write, focus on Lane 9, advocate for eating disorder awareness, adventure with Tyler and Troy, and run fast. Wishing you the best year in 2018!