By René Hannafin-Marino
Wife of Thomas P. Hannafin (2001-NY)
lost my husband, Thomas P. Hannafin, on 9/11. He
was with Ladder Company 5 in Greenwich Village,
Manhattan. We were one of the fortunate families to
bring our loved one home quickly. He left behind his two
children, Kayla (5) and Thomas (3), along with five
brothers. Eight years have gone by, but not a
day goes by when I don’t think of him or talk
about him to his children.
On Tuesday, 9/11/01, when I first learned
that Tom was among the missing, I prayed
and prayed to God. Being a Roman Catholic,
with our two children going to a Catholic
school and attending mass regularly, this was
part of our faith. To pray. Our neighbors, community, and
school prayed for us in our time of need.
Two days went by, and my aunt suggested that we go and
pray at her church. She is a born-again Christian. By this
time I felt like, “Why not? What’s it going to hurt?” After
all, a prayer was a prayer, right? So I went.
Strangers, family members, and some of my neighbors
gathered around me. They all held hands and started to
pray, not in the way that I was used to. The members of
the congregation (strangers) put their hands
on me and one by one shouted out prayers for
my husband, Tom, to find him, to bring him
back to us. That night something amazing
happened to me. I left with an overwhelming
feeling, a sense of relief, a feeling of calmness.
The next day, my husband was “found,” but
not in the way that we all would have liked. In
a sense, our prayers were answered. We were
blessed that he was found. Unfortunately, many, many
families were not able to bring their loved ones home to
their resting place.
Having faith has been a big factor in my life. My
For Survivors of Fallen Firefighters
NOVEMBER 2009 ISSUE 33
aith and Tradition. The words suggest something
solid, dependable, time honored, and unchangeable.
But when we lose someone we love, we are changed
forever in some ways.
Some people find that faith is what sustains them through
a major loss and provides comfort that they will be
reunited with their loved one. For others, the faith and
traditions they have relied upon and felt sure of up until
that point may seem suddenly shaky and insufficient.
Many people go through a period of intense questioning
and searching to try to find answers to the impossible
questions. Why my husband, my brother, my daughter?
Why me? How could God let this happen? This is a
normal part of grief, even for those whose faith is strong.
This time of year, with all the holidays and celebrations,
can be especially painful when someone you love has
died. Traditions that once brought joy and excitement
may now be marked by pain and dread. Especially in the
first few years, the joy may have gone out of it entirely.
Survivors often describe trying to “get through the
holidays” instead of celebrating them. Eventually, each
person must decide which traditions to keep and which
to let go. Many people create new traditions to honor and
remember the person they loved.
In this issue, survivors share their thoughts about how
faith and traditions grew after the death of a loved one.
F
continued inside
I
FAITH
René Hannafin-Marino (continued)
upbringing as a Catholic has been essential, but I’ve come
to respect other religions and faiths. I believe that night
at my aunt’s church and all who prayed really brought my
husband “home.” That experience helped me to have
strength and never give up on prayer. It actually brought
me closer to God.
Please don’t give up on your faith and your beliefs.
n any special occasion, such as anniversaries,
birthdays, and holidays, I take flowers to the
cemetery by myself and talk to Brian. Then later, as a
family, we go to the station where his memorial is, leave
flowers, and go to dinner. We’d go to a restaurant that we
used to go to when Brian was here. Now I give the girls
the choice to pick somewhere to eat.
y brother, Mike, and I were nine years apart and
really very different in personality, but he was
always there to protect me. When I graduated from
college, I contracted viral encephalitis while hiking in
the mountains of New Mexico, and my brother made a
lot of the arrangements for my care. He visited me
constantly while I was in the hospital.
Mike had been a firefighter since he was 22, and I
remember, as a child, going to visit him with my Mom at
various fire stations. We had grown apart somewhat as we
got older, but I always knew that he would be there if I
needed him. A friend of his always told me, “He is so
proud of you.” I hope he knew how proud I was of him!
My brother lived in the same town as my 89-year-old
mother, and he always took very good care of her. I lived
in Georgia, so I really relied on him to be there for her.
Mike had surgery on his rotator cuff due to an injury
while lifting a patient on a gurney. I was never really a
religious person. When I got word that he had stopped
breathing and suffered an irreversible brain injury after
surgery, it didn’t really change my beliefs.
When the doctors declared Mike brain dead, I was
devastated, both because I knew I was losing him, but
also because I didn’t know who would take care of my
mom. She was very independent, so the thought of a
nursing home or assisted living was out of the question.
And there was no way she would have moved to Georgia.
I stayed with my brother that night, hoping for a miracle.
I kept asking him what I was going to do without him,
because he had always done such a good job of taking care of
Mom. The next day, when I had to make the decision to
take him off of life support, my mom died of a cardiac arrest.
I just couldn’t understand why Mike had been taken. My mom
was elderly, and while it was terrible to lose her, I sort of
understood that. But losing my brother seemed so senseless.
He was only 59, he was close to retirement, and he had so
many plans for the future. He still had a lot of living to do.
After many months of crying and even going to grief
counseling, somehow I understood that my prayers had
been answered. We don’t always like or agree with the
answers to our prayers. But I really believe that faith
helped me to realize that my brother had been taken to
continue taking care of my mom. I had lost two people
that I loved very much, but they were together, taking
care of each other. It may sound trite, but I do believe
that everything happens for a reason.
My brother will always be my hero. He has helped so
many people, and he continues to do so.
Thanks to the wonderful support of my family and friends
and a faith that I didn’t know I had, I have finally accepted
Mike’s death. It has taken me a long time, and while everyone
grieves in different ways, I just want others to know that
trying to find some good in that loss has really helped me.
M
O
By Betty Whitlow
Sister of Capt. Michael “Mike” Bevans (2005-AR)
By Pamela Reed
Wife of Brian Reed (2001-FL)
TRADITIONS
The pieces shared in The Journey belong solely to the authors and may not be reprinted in part or whole without the authors’ written permission.
The pieces shared in The Journey belong solely to the authors and may not be reprinted in part or whole without the authors’ written permission.
By Nancy Nee
Sister of George Cain (2001-NY)
By Gail Fowler
Wife of Robert E. Fowler (1997-NY)
y husband, Timothy “TJ” Lynch, died March 7,
2002. My son, Philip, who is now nine years old,
was only 22 months when his father died. Every
Christmas we hang ornaments that represent TJ, such as
a firefighter Santa, a computer—since he was only on the
computer—or anything else he had an interest in. We
also put the year on each Christmas ornament. It is
something we enjoy doing each year so he is never
forgotten, especially on the
holidays.
On Father’s Day, Philip
writes his dad a note on a
small piece of paper, and
we stick it in the balloon
and let it fly to heaven to
give him the message.
fter losing my brother, FF George
C. Cain, of Ladder 7 of the FDNY,
on September 11th, I started to light a
scented candle in a jar for him on all the
holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, and
day of recovery—basically any day of
heightened importance—to remember
and honor him. We are now on our
fourth such candle. I take turns with my
three children, letting them each light
the candle throughout the year, since he
was equally special to all of
them. His name is on the glass
jar, so we never light it just for
any occasion other than to
honor him.
I have started to share my
tradition when someone I know
loses a loved one! It’s a simple
yet poignant way of letting them
be with us on any given day.
ur sons, Alan and Tim, received most of their
Christmas gifts from Santa or from both of their
parents. One gift, however, came only from their
father. Every year Bob gave each of his sons that year’s
Hess truck. As the boys grew the tradition continued,
even when Tim was in high school and Alan had
joined the Army.
Then, on February 22, 1997, Bob died while responding
to a call. Our whole world changed. What should we do?
How could we go on without him? We needed to find a
new path while honoring Bob’s memory.
At Thanksgiving the ads started for the Hess truck. When
I saw them I wondered, “What should I do?” I decided to
buy the trucks and give them to Alan and Tim from “Dad.”
Was I doing the right thing? How would the boys react?
Christmas morning arrived. Alan was home on leave. It
was time to open our presents. I handed Alan and Tim
their gifts and said they needed to open them at the same
time. They opened their trucks. We laughed, we cried, we
hugged. Every year since, Alan and Tim each get a Hess
truck. On the tag, it says “from Dad.” Bob will always be
part of our Christmas.
M
A
O
At a recent Survivors Conference, speaker Darcie Sims gave a talk called “May Love Be What You
Remember the Most.” That is our wish for all of you during this holiday season. May the warmth of your
memories, simple joys of the season, and the love of family and friends be yours now and in the New Year.
- The Staff of the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation
By Donna Lynch
Wife of Timothy “TJ” Lynch (2002-NY)
What helps children after the
death of a loved one? We often
get questions from survivors
who are concerned about their
children. We would like to hear
from families who had children
from birth to age 18 about what helped them most
after the death of a parent or other relative.
If your child has attended a grief camp such as
America’s Camp or Camp Erin, we would like to hear
from you about the experience so we can share a bit
about it in an upcoming newsletter.
Please send a Word document or e-mail to Jenny
Woodall at [email protected]. If you don’t do
computers, send a typed or neatly handwritten copy to:
This project was supported by Grant #2008-PS-DX-K001, awarded by the Bureau of Justice Assistance. The Bureau of Justice Assistance
is a component of the Office of Justice Programs, which also includes the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the National Institute of Justice,
the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, and the Office for Victims of Crime. Points of view or opinions in this
document are those of the author(s) and do not represent the official position or policies of the United States Department of Justice.
National Fallen Firefighters Foundation
The Journey
PO Drawer 498
Emmitsburg, MD 21727
National Fallen Firefighters Foundation • P . O . D r a w e r 4 9 8 , E m m i t s b u r g , M D 2 1 7 2 7
(301) 447-1365 firehero@firehero.org
We want to hear from you about…
Volunteer Opportunity!
he Public Safety Officers’ Benefits Office at the Bureau
of Justice Assistance, U.S. Department of Justice, has
the honor of serving survivors and surviving agencies of
America’s fallen public safety heroes.
Especially at this time of the year, the PSOB Office wants
families, colleagues, and friends of fallen firefighters and other
first responders to know that PSOB Cares. Whether you have
a question regarding an active case, or just a general inquiry,
please do not hesitate to contact the PSOB Office during the
Holiday Season or in the New Year.
Public Safety Officers’ Benefits Program (PSOB)
T
Public Safety Officers’ Benefits Program
Toll-free: 1-888-744-6513
Enacted in 1976, the Public Safety Officers’ Benefits
(PSOB) Program provides death, disability, and
education benefits to those eligible for the program.
uring the anniversary month of a firefighter’s
death, families receive a remembrance card written
by another fire service survivor. It is a simple way to
remind families that others remember and care.
If you are a survivor of a firefighter who has been honored
at the National Memorial and would like to volunteer to
send Remembrance Cards in 2010, please contact Jeanne
Tobia at (410) 721-8845 or [email protected].
D
You can borrow books from the Foundation’s Lending Library free of charge. For a complete listing of available
titles, visit www.firehero.org.
From The Lending Library
A Decembered Grief: Living with Loss While Others Are Celebrating
By Harold Ivan Smith
How Will I Get Through the Holidays? 12 Ideas for Those Whose Loved One Has Died
By James E. Miller
