A Mother’s Trust
A Mother’s Trust
by Carolyn Mahaney
A woman came up to me at a party last week, and after we chatted for a minute,
she said: “My friend told me about something she heard you say once, and I
wondered if it was true.”
I knew where she was going. I get this question with curious regularity.
“Did you say that your biggest regret as a mother was that you didn’t trust God
more?”
Yes, I told her, it’s true. I wish I had trusted God more.
As I wrote in our book Girl Talk:
“For every fearful peek into the future, I wish I had looked to Christ
instead. For each imaginary trouble conjured up, I wish I had recalled the
specific, unfailing faithfulness of God. In place of dismay and dread, I wish
I had exhibited hope and joy. I wish I had approached mothering like the
preacher Charles Spurgeon approached his job: ‘forecasting victory, not
foreboding defeat.”
What mothering fears have you battled lately? Whether you are pregnant with
your first child or trying to steer your youngest child through the teenage years,
temptations to fear (or to its opposite: self reliance) litter the mothering
landscape.
Here at girltalk we’re beginning a new series: A Mother’s Trust. To be honest,
we’re doing this for ourselves as much as for you. But we hope it serves you to
listen in as we preach God’s truth to our souls.
Effective Mothering
by Carolyn Mahaney
Faith toward God is the foundation of effective mothering. Success as a mother
doesn’t begin with hard work or sound principles or consistent discipline
(although those are all vital components!). It begins with God: His character, His
faithfulness, His promises, His sovereignty. And as our understanding of these
truths increases, so will our faith for mothering. But if our practices (no matter
how useful) aren’t motivated by faith, they will be fruitless.
The Bible says that without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb. 11:6). Fear is
sin. And as my husband has often graciously reminded me – God is not
sympathetic to my unbelief. Why? Because fear, worry, and unbelief say to God
that we don’t really believe He is ‘merciful and gracious, slow to anger and
abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness’ (Psalm 86:15). We are calling God a
liar.
Even in the most trying situations with our children, we have much more
incentive to trust than to fear, much more cause for peace and joy than despair.
That’s because, as Christians, we have the hope of the gospel.
(re-printed from Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical
Womanhood)
Anything Frightening
by Carolyn Mahaney
Back to my conversation at the party…After chatting a few more minutes, my
friend asked me another question: “Do you think fear is a unique temptation to
women?”
“Yes, I do,” I replied. Scripture seems to bear witness to this. While all Christians
are frequently urged to trust God, women are specifically exhorted in 1 Peter 3:6:
“do not fear anything that is frightening.”
I love Scripture’s honesty! It admits right upfront that there’s stuff that is
frightening. In fact, Scripture often predicts we will face much trouble and
hardship in this life.
And nowhere is this more true than with our children. Where else in life do we
have more significant responsibility (eternal souls), face such daunting challenges
(sinful heart, hostile world), and feel so inadequate and ineffective?
But we are not to fear anything that is frightening. We are to trust in God.
Trusting God is not a one-time decision or something we can accomplish in a
thirty-day challenge. We will have to fight to trust. Some days we must fight
hourly, even on a moment-by-moment basis. Like raising children, growing in
trust is a life-long effort.
But we are not alone. We have the Holy Spirit inside of us to guide us into all
truth. We have our Sovereign Father ruling wisely and graciously over all. We
have our Savior’s righteousness to run to when we fail.
Many things are frightening, but we have many more reasons to trust God than to
fear.
Anything Frightening
by Carolyn Mahaney
Mothers, we have the gospel: we need not fear. And yet we do. A lot.
Our mothering fears are conceived with our children. We see two little blue lines,
and we are tempted to worry. We worry about eating something bad, lifting
something heavy, sleeping in the wrong position.
Then our baby is born, and we fret about her life outside the womb—her eating,
sleeping, talking, walking, developmental progress.
Our child starts school and we fear he will never finish. Will he make friends,
make good grades, make something of himself? No sooner does high school start
and we begin to worry about college.
We worry about our children’s health, their education, their friends, and above
all, the state of their souls.
But once our children leave home, get a job, get married--then we can stop
worrying, right?
Not so fast. Instead of leaving with our children, new worries move in. In my
case, I now have 16 people (including sons-in-law and grandchildren) to worry
about instead of four!
And the world in which my grandchildren are growing up seems much scarier
than the one in which I raised my children.
Mothers, we will never out-grow our need to trust God for our children.
But neither will we ever outgrow the faithfulness of God: “the steadfast love of
the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his
righteousness to children's children” (Ps. 103:17).
No Grace for “What If?”
by Carolyn Mahaney
What do our mothering fears have in common? They are all in our imagination.
Our fertile minds generate countless scenarios whereby one calamity or another
befalls our children: What if my son rebels when he hits the teenage years? What
if my daughter doesn’t want to be my friend when she grows up? What if my
son gets in a car accident? What if my daughter is diagnosed with leukemia?
After thirty-four years of mothering, I’ve discovered that most of the bad things I
imagined never actually came true. But there have been other trials—ones I never
anticipated.
That’s why Elisabeth Elliot’s wise advice has been invaluable to me in fighting
fear: “There is no grace for your imagination.”
God does not sprinkle grace over every path my fear takes. He does not rush in
with support and encouragement for every doomsday scenario I can imagine.
No, instead He warns me to stay off those paths: “Fret not yourself; it tends only
to evil” (Ps. 37:8).
There is no grace for our imagination. That’s why our fearful imaginings produce
bad fruit: anxiety, lack of joy, futile attempts to control.
There is no grace for our imagination. But God does promise sufficient, abundant
grace for every real moment of our lives. That’s why the Proverbs 31 woman can
“laugh at the future in contrast with being worried or fearful about it” (ESV Study
Bible note on Pr. 31:25)
There is no grace for our imagination. But there will be grace for our mothering
future--the moment it arrives.
Sufficient for Today
by Carolyn Mahaney
There is not grace for our imagination. But there is grace for today’s mothering
trials. Not tomorrow’s imaginary trouble or next year’s envisaged problems. Just
for today.
That’s why Jesus tells us: “[D]o not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow
will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matt. 6:34)
Moms of all people know this to be true: each day really does have sufficient
trouble without adding tomorrow’s worries!
But for today’s sufficient trouble there is God’s more than sufficient grace: “My
grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor
12:9). “As your days” it says in Deuteronomy, “so shall your strength be” (33: 25).
What’s more, for the Christian mother, goodness and mercy are behind every
moment of today’s trouble. Our trouble isn’t meaningless. God is pursuing us
with goodness and mercy today and all the days of our lives (Ps. 23:6).
“Courage, dear friend” encourages Charles Spurgeon, “The Lord, the ever-
merciful, has appointed every moment of sorrow and pang of suffering. If He
ordains the number ten, it can never rise to eleven, nor should you desire that it
shrink to nine” (emphasis mine).
God is busy working today’s trouble for our good. So do not worry about
tomorrow but look to Him today.
At Our Wits’ End
by Nicole Whitacre
"I cried to thee, O Lord." Ps. 30:8
“Prayer is the unfailing resource of the anxious mother,” to paraphrase Charles
Spurgeon:
“If they are driven to their wits’ end, they may still go to the mercy-seat….Let us
never forget to pray, and let us never doubt the success of prayer… Mirth and
carnal amusements are a sorry prescription for a mind distracted and despairing.
Prayer will succeed where all else fails.”
We are often “at our wits’ end” with our children. We feel like we’ve tried
everything and we don’t know what else to do. So we worry: Will my toddler
never stop throwing temper tantrums? Will my teenager ever open up to me
again? Will my children ever turn to Christ?
But instead of worrying, we are to cry to the Lord on behalf of our children. We
must not forget to pray. And we must believe that prayer works: it will succeed
where all our mothering efforts fail.
What worries do you need to bring to the mercy-seat today?
“They…were at their wits’ end. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and
he delivered them from their distress.” Ps. 107:27, 28
Prayer Works
by Nicole Whitacre
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and
supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And
the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts
and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
(Philippians 4:6-7 ESV)
For the anxious mother, God has provided a solution in His Word.
It is simple: Pray. Give Thanks. Repeat.
It covers all of life: Don’t be anxious about ANYTHING. Pray about
EVERYTHING.
And it comes with a promise: God’s peace will guard your hearts and minds in
Christ Jesus.
Yet I sometimes treat prayer as if it doesn't work. I do this by not praying or
thanking but by worrying instead.
“I’ve tried praying before,” I excuse myself, “and God’s answer was different than
what I asked for. So what’s the use?” Or, “I tried praying and didn’t feel more
peaceful. I must not be doing it right.”
But the peace of God is more than a flimsy feeling of peace. It is a knowing, a
settled confidence in the sovereign goodness of God that will guard against all
anxious feelings.
As we pray and give thanks IN EVERYTHING, our trust in God deepens and His
peace pervades our lives. Anxious thoughts don’t have the same sticking power,
and eventually, they go away.
So lately I’ve been trying to simply obey God’s Word in Philippians 4. I still have a
lot to learn about prayer, but I can tell you this: my faith, peace and gratefulness
to God have grown, and my temptation to anxiety has decreased.
Scripture is true, and as anxious mothers, we would do well to believe and obey.
Daughters of Sarah
by Nicole Whitacre
“[T]ake the…sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times
in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.” Ephesians 6:17-18
To fight fear we are to “pray at all times.” But we have another weapon in our
arsenal: the promises of God. We are to wield the Word against the onslaught of
mothering fears.
We are to ”take” the Word of God and use it. To do this, we need to have it
nearby. This means we need to be daily reading the Word and consistently
meditating on it.
And we need to pull out the promises and put them into action. We have to pick
up the sword and fight. A sword must be swung in order to deliver a blow.
We have a legacy of faithful, fear-fighting women to follow: “And you are
[Sarah’s] children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” 1
Peter 3:6
John Piper writes: “[T]he daughters of Sarah fight the anxiety that rises in their
hearts. They wage war on fear, and they defeat it with the promises of God.”
Let’s be daughters of Sarah and fight our mothering fears with the promises of
God.
Battling Anxiety with Promises
by Nicole Whitacre
Recently Justin Taylor posted the following from John Piper. It is worth re-
posting here in its entirety:
* When I am anxious about some risky new venture or meeting, I battle unbelief
with the promise: “Fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your
God; I will help you, I will strengthen you, I will uphold you with my victorious
right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).
* When I am anxious about my ministry being useless and empty, I fight
unbelief with the promise, “So shall my word that goes forth from my mouth; it
will not come back to me empty but accomplish that which I purpose, and
prosper in the thing for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11).
* When I am anxious about being too weak to do my work, I battle unbelief with
the promise of Christ, “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in
weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9), and “As your days so shall your strength be”
(Deuteronomy 33:25).
* When I am anxious about decisions I have to make about the future, I battle
unbelief with the promise, “I will instruct you and teach you the way you should
go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you” (Psalm 32:8).
* When I am anxious about facing opponents, I battle unbelief with the
promise, “If God is for us who can be against us!” (Romans 8:31).
* When I am anxious about being sick, I battle unbelief with the promise that
“tribulation works patience, and patience approvedness, and approvedness hope,
and hope does not make us ashamed” (Romans 5:3–5).
* When I am anxious about getting old, I battle unbelief with the promise,
“Even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and
I will bear; I will carry and will save” (Isaiah 46:4).
* When I am anxious about dying, I battle unbelief with the promise that “none
of us lives to himself and none of us dies to himself; if we live we live to the Lord
and if we die we die to the Lord. So whether we live or die we are the Lord’s. For
to this end Christ died and rose again: that he might be Lord both of the dead and
the living” (Romans 14:9–11).
* When I am anxious that I may make shipwreck of faith and fall away from
God, I battle unbelief with the promise, “He who began a good work in you will
complete it unto the day of Christ” (Philippians 1:6). “He who calls you is faithful.
He will do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:23). “He is able for all time to save those who
draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for
them” (Hebrews 7:25).
Prayer and Promises
by Nicole Whitacre
When fear for our children grips us, we often look for something "new" to help us
deal with it. But instead, we must rely on the true and the tried strategies from
God's Word. They are:
Prayer: "...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and
supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."
(Philippians 4:6)
AND
Promises: "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ."
(Romans 10:17)
Saints throughout the centuries have leaned on God's promises and called out to
Him in prayer. And each and every time, they have found Him to be faithful. "I
sought the Lord," David tells us, "and he answered me and delivered me from all
my fears" (Psalm 34:4).
So let's follow the example of David and that "great cloud of witnesses." Let's seek
God through constant prayer, and in the space of His promises, let's park our
souls.
Fear-Fighting Counsel
by Nicole Whitacre
“Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that
you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?" Martyn Lloyd-Jones
This is revolutionary, biblical, fear-fighting counsel for mothers. And it comes in
two parts:
1. Stop listening to yourself
2. Start speaking to yourself
First, we must stop listening to our fears. We must not give them any "air time."
The critical moment is when a fearful thought first strikes our soul: "What if
_________happens to my child?" or "What if my child never___________?"
If we listen--even for a moment, if we give this fear any attention, consider its
potential, wonder at its source, soon we begin to believe it might be true. The
more we ponder this possibility, the more believable the fear becomes. Soon it is
joined by other, more fearsome, thoughts; and before we know it, we're
overwhelmed by hopelessness and dread.
A wise pastor once gave me this advice: "If any thought robs you of peace, it is an
enemy of your soul; give it no recognition."
Give it no recognition. Ignore it. Disregard it. Close your ears to it. Pay it no
mind.
We must not yield the floor to fear. We must filibuster our fears by speaking truth
to our souls.
To Tell the Truth
by Nicole Whitacre
One reason we shouldn't listen to our fears is because they lie. Fear not only fails
to accurately predict the future, it also tells lies about the Word and the character
of God.
Fear says: God won't come through for you and your children. God doesn't care
about the nitty-gritty problems of your relationship. You've messed things up
too badly this time. Your child's problem is too big. They are too far gone. There
is no hope.
Fear dares to suggest a future without God. Fear challenges the sovereignty of
God, questions His wisdom, doubts His love and mercy, defies His Word.
"But my fears feel so real." I once complained to a wise pastor's wife. "I know" she
replied, "They wouldn't be good lies if they didn't feel true."
Which is why we must never rely on our feelings as a litmus test for truth. "I am
determined" said Mr. Spurgeon, "that if all my senses contradict God, I would
rather deny every one of them than believe that God could lie."
Every time we are tempted to fear, we have a choice. We must choose between
believing our own fickle, sinful, "sense" or God's faithful, righteous Word. If we
trust our fears, we are calling God a liar.
That's one very good reason to stop listening to ourselves.
Tell Your Soul
by Nicole Whitacre
We pick up our series on fear with the second half of Dr. Martyn Lloyd Jones'
counsel. We must not listen to ourselves, but we must also fill that space by
speaking to ourselves.
Dr. Lloyd Jones explains:
"Our fears are due to our failure to stir up--failure to think, failure to take
ourselves in hand. You find yourself looking to the future and then you begin to
imagine things and you say: 'I wonder what is going to happen?' And then, your
imagination runs away with you. You are gripped by the thing...this thing
overwhelms you and down you go. Now the first thing you have to do is to take a
firm grip of yourself, to pull yourself up, to stir up yourself, to take yourself in
hand and to speak to yourself."
"Talk to yourself out loud, if you have to" a pastor once advised me in the midst of
one of my particularly intense battles with fear. So if you ever catch me muttering
to myself, you'll know why.
And what exactly should we say to ourselves?
"Faith reminds itself of what the Scripture calls 'the exceeding great and precious
promises' says Lloyd Jones. "Faith says: 'I cannot believe that He who has
brought me so far is going to let me down at this point. It is impossible, it would
be inconsistent with the character of God.' So faith, having refused to be
controlled by circumstances [or feelings!], reminds itself of what it believes and
what it knows."
Tell your soul--out loud if you have to--what it believes and what it knows.
Firm to the End
by Nicole Whitacre
Sometimes, when battling fear, I am unable to effectively speak truth to myself. I
try, but it just doesn't stick. In such cases, I need others to talk to me. So I tell
them about my fears and ask them to speak appropriate biblical truth to those
fears.
God anticipates our need for community in fighting unbelief: "Take care,
brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to
fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is
called today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For
we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm
to the end" (Heb 3:13-14).
I need those who "have come to share in Christ" to help me "hold [my] original
confidence firm to the end."
It isn't always easy to confess fear. We might fear what others will think of our
fear! We might not want to appear weak. But in the very act of asking for help, we
are opening the door of humility through which God promises His grace will
always come rushing in (James 4:6).
So if you feel as if you are losing your battle against fear today, enlist an ally in
the fight. Ask a friend who "shares in Christ" to help you hold fast to gospel truth.
Good Friends
by Janelle Bradshaw
Last Thursday, Nicole us to enlist our friends as allies in our fight against fear.
Great advice. I have benefited more times than I can remember from friends
speaking truth into my life.
But sometimes those trusted friends may not be available or maybe they are
getting a little tired of saying the same things to us over and over. That’s probably
how my friends feel! There is another group of friends that should be consulted
daily in our fight for faith—books and sermons!
Books that are rich in truth of who God is, and sermons that faithfully declare
God’s Word should be among our best friends. And hey, and the great thing is,
they are never busy or unavailable! I have a few books and messages that I have
read and listened to dozens of times in my battle against fear and unbelief. A few
of our favorites are:
Spiritual Depression by Martyn Lloyd Jones,
Running Scared by Ed Welch
Trusting God by Jerry Bridges
Beside Still Waters by Charles Spurgeon (you can look up fear or anxiety in the
index)
Sweet and Bitter Providence by John Piper
A Shelter in the Time of Storm by Paul Tripp
“Be Humble, Be Alert” sermon by Rick Gamache
“Antidote to Unbelief” sermon by Mike Bullmore
“The Troubled Soul” sermon by CJ Mahaney
So if you find yourself battling fear today, pick up a book or listen to a sermon.
Your soul is sure to be strengthened!
A Good Laugh
by Nicole Whitacre
In addition to tuning out our fears and turning up the volume on truth, we must
fight fear with laughter. Sound ridiculous, even a little irreverent?
Irreverence is precisely the point. We must not dignify our fears--sin-generated,
false predictions of a graceless and God-less future--by giving them the attention
and obedience due only to God and His Word. Laughing at our fears is entirely
appropriate, because up against God's promises they not only look, but actually
are, ridiculous.
The Proverbs 31 woman doesn't take herself, or her fears, too seriously: "She
laughs at the future in contrast with being worried or fearful about it" (ESV Study
Bible note, Pr. 31:25). This may sound flippant or naive if we don't already know
her to be a woman of diligence, wisdom, and strength. She trusts God, and so she
laughs.
"One of Satan’s great lies is that God—and goodness—is joyless and humorless,"
explains Randy Alcorn:
"In fact, it’s Satan who’s humorless. Sin didn’t bring him joy; it forever
stripped him of joy. In contrast, envision Jesus with his disciples. If you
cannot picture Jesus teasing them and laughing with them, you need to
reevaluate your theology of Creation and Incarnation. We need a biblical
theology of humor that prepares us for an eternity of celebration,
spontaneous laughter, and overflowing joy."
Laughter, not fear-filled wonderings, will properly prepare us for our future: our
immediate future and our eternal future full of celebration and overflowing joy.
So thank God for His promises today and "laugh at the days to come."
Learning to Trust
by Nicole Whitacre
Recently, I heard a story about a woman who was gripped by fear in the middle of
a dangerous storm. She got on her knees and asked God to help her trust Him,
and instantly her fears vanished. She got up from her knees, got into bed, and fell
asleep. Just like that.
"I wish that would happen to me more often!" I thought. But I don't usually feel
less fearful the instant I pray or read Scripture. And then I worry that I'm doing
something wrong or (mistakenly) assume that God's solution for anxiety "isn't
working."
But my fearful feelings don't mean that God hasn't answered my prayers. Instead,
as Elisabeth Elliot explains, "[God] wants us to learn to use our weapons."
He wants me to learn to persevere in prayer, he wants me to form habits of
casting cares (1 Pet. 5:7) and befriending faithfulness (Ps. 37:3). He wants me to
become proficient at speaking truth to myself. He wants me to learn to trust Him,
even when I don't feel like it.
So if you think God has abandoned you in your fight against fear, think again. The
ongoing fight isn't a sign that He's forgotten you, but that He's teaching you to
trust.
The Next Thing
by Nicole Whitacre
There's at least one more weapon we must learn to wield in our fight against fear:
obedience.
We fight fear, not only with prayer and promises, but with action that declares to
God and everyone else: "I will not let this fear dictate my life."
This advice comes from Elisabeth Elliot (again) in the form of an old poem
(emphasis mine):
“Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment my moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows, Child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, ‘DO THE NEXT THING.’
Do it immediately; do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His Hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ’neath His wing,
Leave all resultings, ‘DO THE NEXT THING.’”
--author unknown
As an act of faith, I must pray, "Lord, I believe you are going to deliver me from
this fear. I am asking for your help. I am going to keep asking for your help. I am
going to keep speaking truth. But in the meantime, I'm going to do what you've
called me to do."
Then I have to get off the couch and do it. Something. Anything. The next thing.
So what's your next thing? It might be to simply get out of bed and take a shower.
It might be to get in the car and drive the carpool. It might be to go talk to your
teenager or be consistent to teach your toddler to come "right away, all the way,
and with a happy heart."
Whatever your mothering fear, cast it on the Lord and do the next thing. And, as
JC Ryle encourages parents: "It is in the going forward that God will meet you."
When I Don’t Feel Like It
by Nicole Whitacre
Sometimes I struggle with feeling guilty that I don't feel like doing the next thing.
Even though I have repented from fear and anxiety (and will keep repenting and
talking to myself) the feelings of fear still linger. But aren't we supposed to do
our work with joy and gladness as unto the Lord? How can I glorify God in my
work if I still feel anxious? I wonder. So just as I pull one foot out of the ditch of
fear, the other one falls into the pothole of condemnation.
But there is a firm and level path for us in God's Word, which John Piper points
out in this meditation on Psalm 126:5-6 called “Talking to Your Tears” He's
counseling people who are sad and suffering, but I think it also applies to those of
us who feel anxious:
So here’s the lesson: When there are simple, straightforward jobs to be
done, and you are full of sadness, and tears are flowing easily, go ahead
and do the jobs with tears. Be realistic. Say to your tears: ‘Tears, I feel you.
You make me want to quit life. But there is a field to be sown (dishes to be
washed, car to be fixed, sermon to be written). I know you will wet my face
several times today, but I have work to do and you will just have to go with
me. I intend to take the bag of seeds and sow. If you come along then you
will just have to wet the rows.”
Even if we sow in tears (or fears) we will one day reap with joy. Read the entire
meditation and then do the next thing--whether you feel like it or not.
